5 Things Nobody Tells You About Postpartum — But Should
5 Things Nobody Tells You About Postpartum — But Should
By Olivia Bergeron, LCSW, PMH-C | Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching
You read all the books. You signed up for the class. The car seat is installed. The nursery is (mostly) set up. But have you thought about the other aspects of postpartum that no one is discussing? There is a world of emotion and even psychological shifts ahead that I wish every expectant and new mom knew about.
After over two decades of working with new parents, here’s some vital information you should know:
1. Bonding isn’t always instant — and that’s normal. If you’re fantasizing about rainbows arcing overhead and violins playing as soon as you meet your baby, zoom out a bit. Some parents do fall immediately head over heels for their new baby. Many others take longer to bond. If the birth was long or arduous, if you’re exhausted, if new parenthood feels completely overwhelming, your feelings towards your baby might be dampened. Allow yourself to ease into your relationship, which might take time.
2. Intrusive thoughts are more common than you think. A really common but rarely discussed symptom of anxiety is sudden, unbidden and definitely unwanted images of something terrible happening to your child. Think dropping the baby, falling down the stairs, a too hot bath. Many moms don’t talk about this for fear that people will believe you actually want this to happen. The fact that you're horrified actually demonstrates the opposite. However, if these thoughts are impacting you, seek help from a qualified perinatal therapist.
3. You might grieve your old life. Grief about the losses involved in new parenthood is real. In addition to the gift of your baby, many parents lament the loss of freedom, the shifts in their former identity, the changes in their body and the alterations in their relationships. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child. You can miss how your life used to be while being excited about this new phase.
4. Your relationship will change — plan for it. The first year of parenthood can be the hardest yet on a relationship. Many parents report feeling like “ships in the night,” disconnected and transactional. Know that this is another good opportunity to get out ahead of this common occurrence by planning ahead. Talk openly about all the responsibilities and who will handle what. Be explicit about your worries, fears and expectations. Have quick nightly check-ins where you discuss your needs and not just the baby’s.
5. Rage, numbness, and perfectionism are postpartum symptoms too. Many folks have the impression that postpartum mood disorders look like sadness only. “I can’t sleep, my thoughts are spiralling and I’m mad a lot, but I don’t have PPD.” In my practice with new parents, I see a lot more anxiety although some moms are definitely depressed too. Know that there is a spectrum of symptoms including rage, emotional numbness and perfectionism that make up perinatal mood disorders and can be helped through therapy.
What to Do With This Information
Good parents can struggle. Getting to know what supports are available before you might need them can really help. Hold conversations with a therapist, find a doula and learn about postpartum support groups. If you’re experiencing any of these feelings remember that seeking out support indicates strength, not weakness. You don’t need to suffer. Help is available and it works!
Olivia Bergeron, LCSW, PMH-C is the founder of Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching, serving families in NY, NJ, and FL with parent coaching available nationwide. Learn more at mommygroove.com.
